Answering the Call
Being a homebirth midwife, I answer a lot of calls. In fact, I live a significant portion of my life “on call” for birth, for change, for contraction, for bliss. Even when it comes to stepping into “my calling” as a birthworker, I can say that the cause, the passion and the ancestral placements were calling for years before I actually chose to pick up the phone. Witnessing people’s most impactful moments (birth, death, procreation, transformation) is both dreamy and heavy; the maternal morbidity rates amongst Black birthing people is enough to fuel my fire while also weigh on my heart every day in my work. But there is a calling; there is a place for me to step in and do what I can with the knowledge that I cannot save the world alone, but I can stand to make significant change. In my midwifery work, I make significant change through being incredibly involved in reproductive justice both on a wide scale political level as well as in my daily clinical work with people and families. I develop intimate relationships with my clients based on trust, witnessing, empowerment and education. Through exhaustion, judgement, and any uphill battle, as midwives we stay present, dig deep and continue to show up.
Anyone who has attended a class I have facilitated in the last 2-3 years has probably heard that I am sometimes referred to as “the reluctant rigger”. Despite having a 7+ year long love affair with rope, I avoided any “public appearance” as a rigger and even as an official “educator”. Despite holding the space of a facilitator and educator in different professional aspects of my life, I was not eager to assume any “position” in what I viewed as the rope and wider kink networks.
Three years after beginning to teach at various conferences and events that I enjoyed attending, the pandemic hit. Everyone felt isolated and many of our kink networks began engaging heavily online and virtually. I began receiving a lot of traffic to my instagram pages, website and fetlife and with more traffic, usually comes more DMs. (For the record: these engagements are the redeeming side of social media for me. I love engaging with many of you, hearing your thoughts and perhaps even getting to know you a bit online before or between when we have the fortune of sharing physical, in-person space.) In 2020, I had a period of 3 months where I received handfuls of messages, I still think about these messages regularly. Many of them were expressing to me how they weren’t even aware that many people of color engaged in rope play or any shibari inspired rope. Some expressed that they hadn’t seen any riggers of color or a femme, queer, Black rigger before coming across my account. I also received messages from people interested in rope bottoming, and expressing how important the representation felt to them and the discussions around “trauma informed rope for POC” that I often initiate. Yes, these messages warmed my heart, but what stood in the forefront of my mind was that I was hiding from these people. The very people I feel fulfilled from inspiring and hopefully passing on information to, I was hiding from to protect myself from possible negative centering, harsh judgement, criticism and many of the other challenges that are regularly put upon Black women studying to become proficient at any art or skill. This fear, this hiding, was no longer acceptable to me. Straying away from re-engaging in public events once covid protocols began to be considered was not an option.
It was time for me listen, it was time for me to re-evaluate why I am here. It was time for me to show up and answer the call.
It’s been over 2.5 years since I began tying publicly, facilitating skillshares and making an intentional effort to attend more rope centered classes as a tying person/top. I have had the honor of facilitating Reclamation Rope Community events (a BIPOC only rope group) in 5 different cities and across 3 countries, while also hosting educational opportunities in Austin, TX. I have felt incredibly supported and encouraged by my local community as I continued to facilitate, teach and learn out of The [Empty] Space; and I feel very supported by the distant community and connections that are enthusiastic about offering me teaching opportunities and engagements.
My heart lies within the moments I have spent in Black kink spaces. Sunrises in Mexico, family meals in Costa Rica, deep belly laughs in Chicago, these moments define how I stay grounded in this work and how I stay grounded in my “why”.
Well, it’s summer turning to Fall and the phone is ringing off the hook again. I have been called, asked and have been discussing hosting intimate couples kink education and experiential groups in Austin, TX. Taking the work I have done in trauma informed intimacy, erotic connection, conscious kink and couples work and offer a space for building community, education and authentic relationship engagement. The very first Bliss Ritual Weekend is coming in November 2023. If you are interested in this event or future Bliss Ritual Weekends, inquire via DM or join the waitlist for updates at www.blissritual.com/weekend.
Thanks for reading. More soon.
xo,
Bliss
